On July 12, 2002 I became the greatest overachiever
in the history of this or any generation.
I got this amazingly beautiful, talented woman shown here:
To marry this guy.
That’s
right! And ten years later she still
hasn’t run out the door screaming.
Pretty incredible work if I do say so myself.
This
is my ten year anniversary! I never knew
that ten years would fly by so quickly.
I recently had a friend who was about to get married ask me if I had any
advice after ten years of marriage. I
really didn’t have much to say to that on that particular evening. You see I am no expert on marriage, and I
have come to the absolute conclusion that no one is.
Of
course you can give all the safe tips.
For example, the best words you can learn are “yes dear,” and “You’re
right dear.” Those are really good for
playing things safe. I have learned in
ten years that even when I am right, I will never be as right as she thinks she
is. So it is better to sometimes let
things go. You need to learn the danger
words in conversations like “fine,” “ok,” “go ahead if you want to,” and most
importantly “whatever.” These are all
words that signify that you are entering into dangerous ground. The level of sarcasm that drips off of them
will allow you to know how deep you are in.
But
I have really thought about my friends question since he asked. The truth is I don’t think I know more now
than I knew when I first got married, but I know how much it all means. I know now that the road is not always
smooth. I knew that going in, but I didn’t
know what it would mean. I know that
dreams mean everything. We talked about
our dreams, but I didn’t know how much we would spend, work on, dedicate, and
live in our dreams. I didn’t know how
important it was to constantly remind each other of what are dreams are in
order to achieve them. I knew
communication was key, but I did not know the depth of what it would take. If I was given the opportunity to answer the
question again, I would simply say have fun and work hard.
It
is fun. You marry your best friend. It is as fun as it gets. It is also hard work and devotion. It is
messy. However if you want to know what
I learned the most is that after ten years she still loves me despite all my
faults and oddities. And I have quite a
few. Practiced are my sins, yet she
still believes in me, even when I don’t necessarily believe in myself, and I do
the same for her. That is what marriage
is, whether it is year one, year ten, or year fifty. If you are still growing, still working,
still smiling, and still having fun… everything is good.
As a movie buff, I think the best quote on
marriage and life comes from the film Parenthood. It is a scene where Steve Martin’s character
is bitching about how hard life gets, and his grandmother walks into the room
to tell a story. She says, “You know
when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster. Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride! I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting that a
ride could make me so frightened, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all
together! Some didn’t like it. They went
on the merry-go-round. That just goes around.
Nothing. I like the roller
coaster. You get more out of it.” Marriage is one hell of a roller
coaster. In the end, if you have only
gone around and around you have missed out on one of the greatest adventures of
all time.
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